absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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