Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
