did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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