The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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