so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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