Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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