im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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