yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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