I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
