Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
