I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
