New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
