People in love make me want to vomit
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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