scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
