I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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