it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
