1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
