I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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