who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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