if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
