My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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