That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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