I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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