I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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