Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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