Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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