my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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