She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
