I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
