he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
