I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
