Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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