it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
