Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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