awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
