dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
