she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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