he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
