The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
