please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
