at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
