I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
