Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
