I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
