Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
