final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
