Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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