glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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