how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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