well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
