oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
