Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
