remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
