Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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