We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
