Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
