Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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