Kareoke will never be a sober sport
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
