I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
