he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
